To All I Loved
by NastyHobbitses
Summary: Vader contemplates on the life his wife, children, and friends could have had if he had been different. I've also posted this on the Jedi Council Forums if you want to check it out there.


I've taken my mask off before.

In my meditation chamber, a claw, surgical and cold, would gently unscrew it, letting me raggedly breathe in the sanitized air. My eyes would tear and burn in the fluorescent lights, so I would sit, blind as ever, in silence. When I would don my fearsome mask yet again, I still wouldn't use my eyes. Red-tinted photoreceptors perceived my world for me.

But this time it's different.

I lie sprawled on my back in the Emperor's throne room, a heap of metal and wires. From the beeps of my respirator and the slowing of my pacemaker, I know my end is near. One last time, the synthesized voice that spoke for me for too long calls out to my son. "Luke," The wires that were once connected to my right hand sizzle. My respirator's beeping grows more insistent. I have made the decision. "Help me take this mask off. Let me look on you with my own eyes." I have seen nothing but red blurs and orange shapes for twenty years. All that I know of Luke is his voice, the shape of his hands, his presence in the Force. What does he know of me but machinery and hatred?

Reluctantly, my son pries off my mask. Within moments I see clearly, and the tears in my eyes aren't from the lights. He's perfect. He is exactly what I hoped to see one day, but there is so much more I could have seen.

Holding a squalling bundle in my arms, I smile proudly at my new son. Padme cradles Leia, and we forget the turmoil in the galaxy. Obi-Wan looks on, sharing our joy. I'm sorry I couldn't see this day.

Luke hoists himself up on his chubby legs, his diaper drooping low. He clenches his three teeth in determination, and takes two uncertain steps. He breaks into a gummy smile, almost gloating to his still crawling sister. A moment later, he plops back down on the floor and looks into my eyes for approval, or rather the holocam I have trained on him. I press "Stop Recording" and scoop him up above my head. "That's my champ!" I exclaim. He squeals in delight. Leia pouts. "I walk too," she says indignantly. She grips my pant leg in her tiny hands and wobbles slightly. Always the daring one, she lets go, and promptly falls over. I'm glad the cam's off; she'd never live it down. I'm so sorry, my children, that I could never be your father.

Padme fiercely brushes Leia's hair. "Mommy, I don't wanna wear braids!" She whines to no avail. Padme has already pinned the elaborate hairstyle into place. "You two need to look presentable. Daddy and I are taking you to the opera house tonight, and you need to behave. We don't want another incident like at the Senate Gala." Luke turns away as I try to button his jacket. "I didn't mean for my droid to rip Senator Mothma's dress! It was an accident, honest!" He protests. "Just behave, kids. Force knows what we'll do if Mommy flies off to Mos Eisley for her nerves," I say. Padme playfully punches my shoulder and laughs heartily. I'm sorry, Padme, that we could never live this moment.

My two children are blurs of green and blue as they duel each other with their training sabers. Leia comes within inches of Luke's thin padawan braid, so much like mine, and goes in for the winning shot. Luke, ever the resourceful one, flips out of the way and strikes Leia from the side, burning one of her tightly coiled ear-buns. "Uncle" Obi-Wan calls the end of the match and motions to them to bow respectfully. He laughs behind his hand as Luke and Leia bicker over who should have won. "You are both wonderful initiates," he says through a laugh. Ever the Negotiator, that Obi-Wan. "Thank you Master Kenobi," they say in unison before running off to meet their friends. Obi-Wan pats me on the back. "Sound familiar?" He asks. "What do you mean?" "Dueling class with Raena. Surely you remember those days, my former padawan." He chuckles at the memory, and I join him. I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan, that you would never laugh again.

We sit as a family; me, Padme, Luke, Leia, and Obi-Wan on a picnic blanket in the meadow where Padme and I fell for each other. We eat, laugh, and tell tall tales. The world around us doesn't matter anymore; we're here together, and that is all we care about. We watch the clouds go by and wish this day would never end. To all I loved, I'm so sorry I stole this life from you.

End.


End file.
